The weather is fucked,
My toes are fucked,
Everything is fucked at the moment.
I've been thinking alot about the next couple of weeks. What am i going to do.
If i go away i will never want to come back, but at the moment that wouldn't be a bad thing.
All i've wanted to do with myself is be who i want, but with everyday i'm forced to deal with
some thing i wouldn't do but i have to. All i've ever wanted to do is bodyboard, skate and have friends forever. All-though it would be nice it never happens. You have to work to go out, to buy things. You have to talk to people you wouldn't ever want to even look at.
But with where i am at this point of time i am happy but to have some one tell you its not enough and expects more is the shitest feeling. You wouldn't know it but i've been pushed to do things i've hated for so long now and i just want to run away right now. Photography has been some thing that has given me hope and some thing to do, but to be forced to make some thing out of it. All i want to do it take photos that people will like, not to make money. To take a photo and have some one see it and go that is a good/nice/amazing photo is all i want people to do. I dont want to get rich/ make money off some thing that helps me be myself. Also to have some one teach you how to do some thing a different way or to say that they will be marking what you are taking photos of.
The persure of having some thing look at and being used to make the mark that will "help" you in your older life is some thing that i do not want to be part of and this goes for alot of things like bodyboarding, i would never go into compertions because that is putting persure on you to show other people that you are better then the next person. Through out this life i've been forced to show people that i can do stuff that either i can do or that i dont want to do E.G: op art, marine ed, bodyboarding etc.
I carn't finish this because their is to much that is bothering me.
I just want to get out of this place.
Their was a shed show on Sunday the 16/11/08.
It was amazing and shed shows have never let me down.
New stuff is always going on. The bbq was finaly started and veggie snags went off.
The hawiian shirts were in full swing as were alot of other crazy cloths.
But it aways goes out to sam for making it happen.
Here are some photos of the night.
There is so much going on in my head, its fucking shit.
All this shit i have to think about is starting to wear thin.
With everyday moving away sounds better and better.
I dont know what to do.
Is moving away going to help anything or am i just running.
Goodnight
xxx
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